ABOUT
The statistics vary but the bottom line is that about 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. Though it does happen often, the pain that accompanies a pregnancy loss is real and overwhelming.
Unfortunately, we haven’t been taught how to deal with loss and how to be there for each other during these difficult times. Instead, we are told not to tell others about pregnancy until the second trimester. We are set up to grieve pregnancy loss alone. Indirectly, the guidelines about when to talk about pregnancy teaches us that it is a topic we should not talk about; that it is a taboo topic that we should keep to ourselves.
But it’s time we change this. And though the road ahead is long and hard, we can change the culture around pregnancy loss. We can change it by talking about it. By being there for each other. By sharing our experience, one story at a time.
As much as we would like to, we can’t take away the pain from women who go through pregnancy loss. All we can do is acknowledge how impossibly difficult the experience is and sit with them in the pain.
I had my own loss in January 2021 and I am still going through it. There are days when it feels more raw than others. For me personally, I felt betrayed by my body and my first instinct was to stop caring for myself. Slowly I learned that taking care of myself, both physically and mentally, is the only way I can actively move through the pain. And when we are in pain, we have to move through it.
I want to give back and help other women going through this difficult experience take care of themselves so I started putting together self-care packages for other women who experience pregnancy loss. I work together with gynecologists and midwives in the Munich area to distribute these packages to women, when they need them.
I know that a cup of tea or a face mask won’t take the pain away but I hope that these self-care packages make women feel less alone and help them focus on taking care of themselves, both mentally and physically. One care package at a time. One step at a time.
MISSION
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Help women and partners feel less alone
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Encourage women to advocate for themselves and their needs (medical and otherwise)
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Break the silence and raise awareness about pregnancy loss
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Gradually change the way we speak about miscarriage and the culture of stigma
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Empower each other to learn how to better support people who experience pregnancy loss
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Connect women and partners to additional resources
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Help women maintain a positive connection with their body during and after miscarriage
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Encourage women and partners to take care of themselves physically and mentally
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Start a cascade effect of women helping each other
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Miscarriage is an ugly word. Mis is a prefix that either negates a word or implies it was done wrongly. The prefix mis either implies you either didn’t carry the pregnancy or that you carried it wrongly. You miscarried. But you didn’t carry your pregnancy wrongly and one thing is clear: it didn’t turn out how you wanted but you definitely carried your baby.
After loss, you carry this experience with you forever. You carry so many emotions - both your own and those of people around you. You carry grief and pain but also hope for the future. And any which way they do it, there is no wrong way about it. There is no guilt or shame or mis about it.
During a difficult situation like this, you yourself are also carried by your support system and by all of the other women and partners brave enough to share their story. Friends and family build a net to catch and carry you through the pain.
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Self-care packages created
Miscarriage is an ugly word. Mis is a prefix that either negates a word or implies it was done wrongly. The prefix mis either implies you either didn’t carry the pregnancy or that you carried it wrongly. You miscarried. But you didn’t carry your pregnancy wrongly and one thing is clear: it didn’t turn out how you wanted but you definitely carried your baby.
After loss, you carry this experience with you forever. You carry so many emotions - both your own and those of people around you. You carry grief and pain but also hope for the future. And any which way they do it, there is no wrong way about it. There is no guilt or shame or mis about it.
During a difficult situation like this, you yourself are also carried by your support system and by all of the other women and partners brave enough to share their story. Friends and family build a net to catch and carry you through the pain.
RESOURCES
Podcasts
Support Groups
The Miscarriage Doula offers support groups with a small group of other women going through shared experiences. She tries to keep them affordable so that they are available to everyone. I think they only cost about 5 dollars to join.
Yoga
Bettina Rae has a yoga YouTube channel, where she also has some videos for yoga after miscarriage.
Meditation
I haven’t tried it yet, but I’ve heard the App Expectful is good for meditation and that they also have some meditations for pregnancy loss.
Words of wisdom
@morganharpernichols instagram account is full of inspiration and just the right words right when you need them.
Personal Reflections
I have also shared some of my own reflections on the topic.
Get in touch using the form below or through our instagram account.
We're happy if you want to get involved in any way - whether that is to share additional resources, to distribute packages or to donate.
Please use PayPal to make a donation to hello@carriedtogether.com if you feel so inclined. Donations go directly towards putting together more care packages to reach more women.
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